


Letters From Home

by EavingMal



Category: Clockwork (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 23:53:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7075873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EavingMal/pseuds/EavingMal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a particularly bad day, Cog sends a letter to his friend Christian. Both of them say what they mean, but neither of them really gets the message across.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters From Home

**Author's Note:**

> I shouldn't have to have these feelings alone.

It didn’t take long for Christian to start missing Cog. Nearly as soon as his young friend has left, he started composing letters, requests … who could cover his lectures? Who would take over his classes? Who would monitor that one experiment?  
If he didn’t think about it too much, it almost didn’t feel like he’d be going back to Arcadia.  
But it took time, as these things always did. His usual laissez-faire attitude to organising anything within the university system vanished, replaced by a niggling impatience. It took long enough, in fact, that Cog’s first letter arrived long before he was even close to ready for it.

~

When Cog wrote his first letter back, he wrote it to Christian. Boris …  
He remembered his goodbye letter to Boris. No sense in poking the bear again. Boris might do something drastic if, after that, Cog wrote to him with the truth, and just as incensed if Cog lied to him. Boris’s imagination could sometimes be as infuriating to him as the real world.  
Cog didn’t have the strength to try lying about Arcadia today, anyway.  
He’d fought with the AmbASSador again. It was that stupid envelope. Every time, _every. Time_. Cog did something even the slightest hint out of line, out it came.  
“Concentrate, Kleinschmidt,” the blond jerk said. “We’re both on a time limit here.”  
Cog folded his arms and threw himself back against the chair. His hands tingled from the magic sparks he’d been trying, unsuccessfully, to summon. “Maybe _you are_ ,” he said.  
“We talked about those books,” Alex said, standing and waking past Cog.  
“Yeah? Well, I tried. I can’t understand a damn thing in them! When were they written? By primordial ooze?”  
Alex sighed, and waved the envelope again, making the paper snap. “Cog, there must be something you want out of all this.”  
Cog recoiled. The ass probably thought he sounded reasonable, but instead it was all slime. Cog’s skin crawled.  
“Well, you should have offered that before you _kidnapped me_!” Cog shouted. “I never wanted to be a part of any of this!”  
Alex whirled on him. “So, what was all that business in town today?”  
Cog scowled. None of his business, was what that was. “I only talked to people,” he said.  
Alex loomed over him, leaning over the table. “Cog,” he said. “Listen. You _child_. You know _nothing_. You see what you see, and you get angry because you happened to see it, and you are so desperate to alleviate that momentary pain that you don’t stop to think that you might cause something worse.”  
“If you had your way, half of Arcadia would starve, and you wouldn’t care one bit!”  
Alex looked for a moment like he might slap Cog, but then his eyes narrowed, and he said, “Your father, child. I hate him. He was a cruel man. But at least I can say this for him: His principles he kept because they were his. Yours? You seem to change principles to make yourself feel noble, and to irritate others. I preferred it when you said politics had nothing to do with you. You were ignorant, but at least you were honest about your nature. You care only about the things you cannot avoid seeing.”  
Cog stood, looked Alex directly in the eyes, and with a slow and steady hand, poured the ambASSador’s glass of water directly onto his in-tray.

~

_Dear Christian,_

_Arcadia is awful._  
_I remember what you said about me overreacting and all the various animal comparisons over the years, but I have never been less overdramatic in my life. Arcadia. Is. Awful._  
_I can’t do this._  
_Alex is an ass, and he’s threatening me with execution._  
_I can’t eat regular meals because I said something stupid and now the cook won’t feed me, so I have to go into the city. But every time I do, Alex has some new idea about me dooming Arcadia._  
_See above: Alex is an ass._  
_He turned me into a monster. An abomination. Boris is going to have to execute me and I’m afraid he won’t feel sorry about it._  
_I’m afraid …_

Cog stared at the blank page in front of him, pen poised. He took a deep breath, and started to write. 

__~_ _

Christian didn’t care that he was going to be late to class. He had to read Cog’s letter. He ripped it open. 

_Dear Christian,_

_Boris is going to throw the biggest tantrum you’ve ever seen when he learns I wrote to you and not to him. Just a warning for you. I just know he was furious when I left, and I don’t have anything to say that won’t make it worse. I guess, if he asks, tell him I wish I’d stayed, but I can’t wait to tell him all my stories._  
_How is your watch? I hope you’ve been careful with it while I’m gone! I don’t want to have to undo someone else’s hard work when I get back. Nobody knows that watch like I do, thanks to your clumsy ass._  
_I wish you were here, waiting for me to fix the watch, talking about something. I don’t care what it is. Is that weird to say? I think it’s weird. But it’s in ink now._  
_Call Boris a name, and tell him it’s from me._

Here, the letter suddenly changed handwriting, as if Cog had been in a great hurry when he wrote it. 

_I miss everybody and I wish I hadn’t come. I am having the worst time of my life. I don’t understand anything, and everybody’s angry at me, and I only understand why about a quarter of the time. There, I said it! Now, I’m mailing this before I change my mind._

_Yours,_  
_Cog._

_P.S._  
_Tell Cook she was right. The food is weird and disgusting._

Christian’s hands shook as he read Cog’s letter. Oh. Oh, no.  
Oh geezum. 

__~_ _

Christian was distracted through his lecture, but he didn’t care. He felt terrible. Nobody else told Cog he should go – he was the only one who said it was a good idea. And it was him, only him, that Cog had listened to. Alex … had good points, but he hadn’t known Cog like Christian did. If Cog was unhappy and couldn’t get along in Arcadia, Christian had done worse than failing Alex. He’d failed his friend, too. Dammit, he knew what Arcadia was like! And he’d encouraged Cog to go! How could he have been so insensitive? 

Instead of continuing his experiments that evening, he wrote a reply: 

_Dear Cog,_

_It was so good to get a letter from you! I’m only sorry I didn’t write first, but I’ve been trying to organise to come and visit. I know I’ve said this before, but it’s like herding cats trying to get people to do anything at the University! Actually, my watch is broken … but I knew you wouldn’t want anyone else to touch it, so I have been keeping it for you. I’ve been late for class twice already!_

He pulled his watch out, popped the back off, and carefully emptied the mechanism onto the table. He scraped the pins and gears back inside, and popped the back on again. 

_It’s pretty bad this time, so who knows how long I’ll have to stay for you to fix it!_  
_Boris is well. His father doesn’t at all miss him shouting ‘CHEATING TOOLBAG!’ at you across dinners of state, but he’s been irritable still. He misses you, too, I think._  
_I’ll call him something inventive for you. You never know what will cheer Boris up._  
_Alright, it’s my turn to send the letter before I get too embarrassed. Cog, I am so sorry. I feel awful. It’s my fault you’re so unhappy._  
_After he offered you the position, Alex came to talk to me about it. He explained how he wanted you to help Boris understand Arcadia so we might not get into a war. At the time, I thought he was right, and you looked so upset that nobody thought you should go … so I encouraged you. And then you did go, and now it sounds like you’re having a very bad time, and I think maybe I shouldn’t have._  
_Please – I hate to ask, but please – just bear with it for a little while. A year isn’t long, but I know it will be tough. When you come back home, I promise never to say anything so stupid again._  
_You’ll get through it, Cog. I believe in you._  
_I promise I will be there to see you soon, and then I’ll make everything right again. In the meantime, look after yourself, and please forgive me._

_Yours,_  
_Christian._

_P.S._  
_I’m bringing you a pack lunch._

Cog read Christian’s letter at night, by candlelight, so he could go to sleep with it in his mind.  
Christian … thought this was _his_ fault?  
Cog nearly crumpled the letter, but instead, he just shoved it under his pillow.  
He tried to be happy at the thought of seeing his friend again, but he couldn’t do it.  
I’ll make everything right again.  
Cog bit his lip and gripped the sheets in a fist. No. Christian couldn’t make everything right, and he’d have to keep feeling guilty.  
Because no matter how much he wanted to, Cog couldn’t tell him the truth. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you notice anything, drop me a line - I don't mind people offering suggestions for improvement.


End file.
